Looking back/Looking forward

By Neslihan

Looking back:
I was 12 when I 'discovered' fashion magazines. It was pretty obvious, I had moved to the middle of nowhere and felt often alone. I didn't have a computer or internet back then and I had to find something to keep me busy with. My mum bought an 'economy pack' of 5 magazines and I stole the one on fashion. I remember its name vividly: Avantgarde. It sounded so promising, almost bigger than life. That moment was really magical, I turned the pages and almost felt this surreal tingle in my brain. The luxury, the drama, the creativeness: this was a way of living too. I read about brands like Chanel and Viktor & Rolf and collected everything there was to collect on their name. I had become a fashion junky. Later, I'd go to my aunt's house and watch full length runway shows on the internetz and even blog about it on social network sites. I felt as if I was part of this world. My contribution was and still is so very small but I liked my place in fashion jungle. I was the biggest fashion lover but also its biggest critic. I literally idolized Karl Lagerfeld and Carine Roitfeld. And my heart also broke in a billion tiny pieces when she left Vogue Paris, which had then become my fashion manual.

This period is marked by staples of Vogue Paris issues. I'd buy it monthly and always looked forward to their amazing covers. I loved Roitfeld's sexy, luxurious Parisian style but also the more edgy and rock & roll vibes Emmanuelle Alt was sending me once she replaced Roitfeld. I would spend 25 % of my pocket money on fashion magazines, the other 75 % would go to clothes/ accessories. I couldn't care less about meeting friends and going to the movies. I'd rather be alone in my room and create fashion articles. That truly made me happy and I felt as if I was gaining knowledge. As I grew in fashion facts, I felt an amazing urge to share it with other people. I was hyper cocky and wanted to educate people. But now, as I look back on it, I realize I didn't want to educate anyone. I just desperately needed to connect with anything. I think I wanted to belong and be good at something, so I chose fashion. But somehing had changed along the way. Anywayz I had.

As I tried to keep up with the industry's pace, I realized this was not what I wanted. I didn't want to have an opinion on every fashion brand. I didn't want to blog about the ones I didn't find significant. I didn't want to spread negativity because I knew every designer put his heart and soul in his collection. I knew they worked 24/7, season after season and figured I didn't want to reflect my disappointments onto them. Taste is so personal and culturally but aslo socially determined. Who are we to criticize anything at all? That's when I started to criticize 'the industry' instead of the collections. There was heart in the clothes but there was envy and filth in the industry. Back then I loved Lagerfeld's aesthetics but hated his body-hating self. And that was not all. I hated the underrepresentation of coloured models, sexualizing children, 21st century imperialism/superiority (scroll to "It's all about refinement..." and feel your toes cringe) and lack of realism. The industry is all about unachievable beauty ideals. I figured I didn't wanna feel un-whole or mediocre just because I wasn't fit to be a girl next door. I searched for my own voice and discovered feminist bloggers like Celia, Annabeth and Laci and blogs like RookieMag. I realized I didn't have to spend a fortune on magazines to be part of this world. I could just start a blog and freely share my thoughts. That's when things began to feel comfortable again. I blogged about more personal topics like sexuality and body image. I think at a certain moment the curtain falls and all you have is yourself and then it becomes very important you can relate to something/someone. That curtain falls daily, it's when the glamour/pretending stops and you comfort yourself in joggingpants and a box of chocolates. That's what I wanted my blog to be: a safe haven for every single soul in doubt because doubt can be very creative. (This sounds so christian, omg.)

So, here I am, still blogging, still overthinking things. As fashion constantly evolves and my taste changes during the years, I'm still searching for my own voice. I'm still learning and hope to be more accurate one day. Everything has changed, even 'Avantgarde' has stopped (read: it's Dutch) but my strong wish to share is still burning fiercely. And I'm here as long as it burns.

Looking forward:
Every once in awhile I still buy magazines. Yesterday I was down that lane again and spent 14 fucking euros on 'Elle Collections A/W 2014'. I always wanted to have an 'Elle Collections'. I know you can find the same information for free on the internet but it's not the same. A magazine is there forever and it feels different because you can actually turn the pages and feel the texture of the paper. On the internet you have to collect the pictures on your own but when you buy a magazine it's already done for you. Not to mention the fabuous layout. It just reminded me of my blog. And since it rains more often now and we're saying goodbye to tropical temperatures, I can finally find peace in sharing some of my favourite items of the past autumn/winter collections.

1) PRADA:

All I can say is: I want all four of the coats. I feel like a fine coat sets a statement. Some are long, others are short. Some ar made of wool, others of leather and some others are made of fur but they all tell a story. That story can be laid back, classy, vampy or sporty. It's a mood, it's a uniform. Autumn starts with a quest for the perfect coat. One that suits your personality. I love the coats with the big pockets. They remind me of the coats I used to draw when I was a kid. Big ass pockets for big ass junk. And if I were to be a diva I'd certainly go for the long red goat hair coat. It just screams Miranda Priestly.

2) DRIES VAN NOTEN:

I love how you recognize Van Noten's trademark. You see it because of the prints, because of the male-female balance, because of the fits. A Van Noten has a (hi)story to tell. It's intellectual and quirky and -eventhough you might doubt it- it's above all timeless. The corsages and bold prints of exotic flowers are inbetween pretty and kitschie but it works so well when you look at the collection as a total. There are metallics, stripes, geometric illusion and dazzling glitter. If someone else did it, it would be tacky but Van Noten knows how to keep it wearable.

3) CHRISTOPHER KANE:

There a few designers I still follow season after season and Kane is one of them. I just feel like our aesthetics click. He's so brilliant, funny and just smart. With Kane you know a collection will be totally different than the one he did before. It feels like he's up to anything but one thing always remains: he's witty as hell. This collection sometimes feels like I'm watching a sculpture exhibition as Kane wants to mold his clothing in certain forms. It's excentric, yet it looks so comfortable for every day wear and I think that's Kane's strength.

4) CHRISTIAN DIOR:

So there was this huuuge criticism when Raf Simons took over Dior. He was too minimalist, too simple, too everyday to be the artistic director of one of the world's leading fashion brands, Dior. He had to prove himself during that first collection and so he did. Now the world has accepted he's fit for the job and looking at his last rtw-collection, I still agree. He knows how to keep the brand young and luxurious but also how to stay true to his own minimalist style. I just love the popping colours. Also in looove with the colourful cords on the waists (3rd picture), what a divine detail.

5) PAUL SMITH:

If I had the money, I'd probably wear nothing else but Paul Smith (and some occasional Van Noten) but I don't so I stay true to highstreet coppies. I love his paistly X baroque prints so much. I just feel like this was the only collection that was strong as a whole. Every piece is interchangeable and it feels as if everything fits with everything. Sir Paul Smith makes my boyish heart pound faster and stab my eyes out from sadness (cuz I'm a peasant).


PS. not sorry for the length of this blogpost since I felt like I had to make up for the lack of posting lately