Looking back/Looking forward

By Neslihan

Looking back:
I was 12 when I 'discovered' fashion magazines. It was pretty obvious, I had moved to the middle of nowhere and felt often alone. I didn't have a computer or internet back then and I had to find something to keep me busy with. My mum bought an 'economy pack' of 5 magazines and I stole the one on fashion. I remember its name vividly: Avantgarde. It sounded so promising, almost bigger than life. That moment was really magical, I turned the pages and almost felt this surreal tingle in my brain. The luxury, the drama, the creativeness: this was a way of living too. I read about brands like Chanel and Viktor & Rolf and collected everything there was to collect on their name. I had become a fashion junky. Later, I'd go to my aunt's house and watch full length runway shows on the internetz and even blog about it on social network sites. I felt as if I was part of this world. My contribution was and still is so very small but I liked my place in fashion jungle. I was the biggest fashion lover but also its biggest critic. I literally idolized Karl Lagerfeld and Carine Roitfeld. And my heart also broke in a billion tiny pieces when she left Vogue Paris, which had then become my fashion manual.

This period is marked by staples of Vogue Paris issues. I'd buy it monthly and always looked forward to their amazing covers. I loved Roitfeld's sexy, luxurious Parisian style but also the more edgy and rock & roll vibes Emmanuelle Alt was sending me once she replaced Roitfeld. I would spend 25 % of my pocket money on fashion magazines, the other 75 % would go to clothes/ accessories. I couldn't care less about meeting friends and going to the movies. I'd rather be alone in my room and create fashion articles. That truly made me happy and I felt as if I was gaining knowledge. As I grew in fashion facts, I felt an amazing urge to share it with other people. I was hyper cocky and wanted to educate people. But now, as I look back on it, I realize I didn't want to educate anyone. I just desperately needed to connect with anything. I think I wanted to belong and be good at something, so I chose fashion. But somehing had changed along the way. Anywayz I had.

As I tried to keep up with the industry's pace, I realized this was not what I wanted. I didn't want to have an opinion on every fashion brand. I didn't want to blog about the ones I didn't find significant. I didn't want to spread negativity because I knew every designer put his heart and soul in his collection. I knew they worked 24/7, season after season and figured I didn't want to reflect my disappointments onto them. Taste is so personal and culturally but aslo socially determined. Who are we to criticize anything at all? That's when I started to criticize 'the industry' instead of the collections. There was heart in the clothes but there was envy and filth in the industry. Back then I loved Lagerfeld's aesthetics but hated his body-hating self. And that was not all. I hated the underrepresentation of coloured models, sexualizing children, 21st century imperialism/superiority (scroll to "It's all about refinement..." and feel your toes cringe) and lack of realism. The industry is all about unachievable beauty ideals. I figured I didn't wanna feel un-whole or mediocre just because I wasn't fit to be a girl next door. I searched for my own voice and discovered feminist bloggers like Celia, Annabeth and Laci and blogs like RookieMag. I realized I didn't have to spend a fortune on magazines to be part of this world. I could just start a blog and freely share my thoughts. That's when things began to feel comfortable again. I blogged about more personal topics like sexuality and body image. I think at a certain moment the curtain falls and all you have is yourself and then it becomes very important you can relate to something/someone. That curtain falls daily, it's when the glamour/pretending stops and you comfort yourself in joggingpants and a box of chocolates. That's what I wanted my blog to be: a safe haven for every single soul in doubt because doubt can be very creative. (This sounds so christian, omg.)

So, here I am, still blogging, still overthinking things. As fashion constantly evolves and my taste changes during the years, I'm still searching for my own voice. I'm still learning and hope to be more accurate one day. Everything has changed, even 'Avantgarde' has stopped (read: it's Dutch) but my strong wish to share is still burning fiercely. And I'm here as long as it burns.

Looking forward:
Every once in awhile I still buy magazines. Yesterday I was down that lane again and spent 14 fucking euros on 'Elle Collections A/W 2014'. I always wanted to have an 'Elle Collections'. I know you can find the same information for free on the internet but it's not the same. A magazine is there forever and it feels different because you can actually turn the pages and feel the texture of the paper. On the internet you have to collect the pictures on your own but when you buy a magazine it's already done for you. Not to mention the fabuous layout. It just reminded me of my blog. And since it rains more often now and we're saying goodbye to tropical temperatures, I can finally find peace in sharing some of my favourite items of the past autumn/winter collections.

1) PRADA:

All I can say is: I want all four of the coats. I feel like a fine coat sets a statement. Some are long, others are short. Some ar made of wool, others of leather and some others are made of fur but they all tell a story. That story can be laid back, classy, vampy or sporty. It's a mood, it's a uniform. Autumn starts with a quest for the perfect coat. One that suits your personality. I love the coats with the big pockets. They remind me of the coats I used to draw when I was a kid. Big ass pockets for big ass junk. And if I were to be a diva I'd certainly go for the long red goat hair coat. It just screams Miranda Priestly.

2) DRIES VAN NOTEN:

I love how you recognize Van Noten's trademark. You see it because of the prints, because of the male-female balance, because of the fits. A Van Noten has a (hi)story to tell. It's intellectual and quirky and -eventhough you might doubt it- it's above all timeless. The corsages and bold prints of exotic flowers are inbetween pretty and kitschie but it works so well when you look at the collection as a total. There are metallics, stripes, geometric illusion and dazzling glitter. If someone else did it, it would be tacky but Van Noten knows how to keep it wearable.

3) CHRISTOPHER KANE:

There a few designers I still follow season after season and Kane is one of them. I just feel like our aesthetics click. He's so brilliant, funny and just smart. With Kane you know a collection will be totally different than the one he did before. It feels like he's up to anything but one thing always remains: he's witty as hell. This collection sometimes feels like I'm watching a sculpture exhibition as Kane wants to mold his clothing in certain forms. It's excentric, yet it looks so comfortable for every day wear and I think that's Kane's strength.

4) CHRISTIAN DIOR:

So there was this huuuge criticism when Raf Simons took over Dior. He was too minimalist, too simple, too everyday to be the artistic director of one of the world's leading fashion brands, Dior. He had to prove himself during that first collection and so he did. Now the world has accepted he's fit for the job and looking at his last rtw-collection, I still agree. He knows how to keep the brand young and luxurious but also how to stay true to his own minimalist style. I just love the popping colours. Also in looove with the colourful cords on the waists (3rd picture), what a divine detail.

5) PAUL SMITH:

If I had the money, I'd probably wear nothing else but Paul Smith (and some occasional Van Noten) but I don't so I stay true to highstreet coppies. I love his paistly X baroque prints so much. I just feel like this was the only collection that was strong as a whole. Every piece is interchangeable and it feels as if everything fits with everything. Sir Paul Smith makes my boyish heart pound faster and stab my eyes out from sadness (cuz I'm a peasant).


PS. not sorry for the length of this blogpost since I felt like I had to make up for the lack of posting lately

Personal inarticulate scribblings

By Neslihan
I feel like all I wanna do is nag about how sick I feel and cough and sneeze inbetween. Accopmpanied by accessories such as hankerchiefs and a candybar. And all I actually think of is how much this all is stopping me from doing things I had planned to do. I feel down and wanna shout how miserbale I feel. So everybody will know and keep that in account when I'm being an unbearable toddler. This also teaches me to listen more to my body, not to overrush things. Cuz lately I've been feeling hunted, as if I'm out of time. I'm juggling school life, love life and friends all at once and I'm dropping at least one everytime I try to juggle three of them. And it feels aweful and incomplete and a little voice keeps on telling me I can't have it all at once but I'm an overachiever so I try to combine them anyway and at the end I'm left alone and forget to be on my own sometimes. This confuses me and loneliness that once felt pleasant, feels awkward and painful because I learned to rely on others, when I once only relied on myself. So the most obvious solution for my so-called problem would be to appreciate again to be on my own. To take myself on dates, to be my own best friend again. Question myself less when I'm doing things for others but to focus more on the things I want for MY OWN. I feel like ambition and love kind of make yourself focus less on your centre because or you're working on something on the long run (ambition) so the result will be there after 4 to 5 years (school) or you're working on your relationship with others (boyfriend/friends) and therefore can't be selfish. At the end I'm living in the future and forget how much fun the present actually is. Imagine when this is all over and all I did was stressing about papers and books and I don't even have a cool story to tell my grandkids? I know it sounds silly but I guess what I'm trying to say is that I feel lived instead of living. I feel like I've turned into a boring 30 y.o. when I promised myself to loosen up a bit more in uni. I think I've got to tell myself that I'm in charge and shouldn't stress about things I can alter cuz life is in our hands and you can throw it away in the trashbin next to your desk or you can take it in both your hands, fumble it up, juggle it and drop it to pick it right up again. I feel an uncontrolable desire to embrace failures, yet at the same time I'd like to succeed. And I think because I always was so ambitious and zealous I never quite learned to cope with failures and I'm really aware of that now. Cuz I think the power of actually succeeding lies in your ability to deal with mistakes and failures and incorporate these things in a personal learning process, which is hard to see at the moments you're failing cuz the purpose of your failures (teaching you something) comes after a time. And sometimes it never comes, sometimes it just says you're plain stupid and you have to move on.

This moodboard tells exactly how I feel: physically vulnerable, yet mentally fierce, sophisticated, yet bold, elegant, yet unsubtle, traditional, yet radically rebellious, sexy, yet repellent, arrogant, yet insecure, soft, yet shocking, passive, yet aggressive, quiet, yet powerful.

1) Ola Rudnicka photographed by Willy Vanderperre for AnOther S/S 2014
2) Backstage at Meadham Kirchhoff F/W 2014
3) Flickr/Woefromwit
4) Source unknown
5) 'Oedipus Rex' by Pier Paolo Pasolini, 1967
6) Source unknown
7) Source unknown
8) Photograph by Dario Catellani

Talking business

I love dualities, what can I say. I just love how 'un-black -and white' things are. At first you're like it's this but when you take a closer look at things you can be amazed by the nuances lurking behind fabrics, styles and colours. Women for decades have tried to dress in a way they could be taken seriously by their male colleagues. Professional YSL deux-piéces, black tight knee-length Dior pencil skirts, boring tweed Chanel blazers but I think it's time to turn the tables. Just because you're 'accidentally' a woman doesn't mean you should hide your femininity and playfulness. It's time to re-claim your sensuality and femininity without having to give in on looking professionally. Whenever I watch dull restyling programs, those Trinnies and Susannahs are always like "DoNT W3aR C011ouRS, U WNT PEEpL To T4K3 u SER1OuSlY" and all my neckhairs rise. What is wrong with colours and following your own style? What is wrong with unconventional materials at the office? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. And that's what (from left to right) Christopher Kane, Prabal Gurung, Versace and Mary Katrantzou are showing us. They're showing us that you can show some skin and still be the fucking boss. They make us aware of the fact that metalics are the new black. And that lilac leather split skirts are MADE to wear at the office, hence worn with a nice shirt. You don't wanna go trash queen on this one. And prints, my friend, are made to bedazzle your colleagues with its crowdedness.

To end this rather long blogpost.

Rearrange your chaos

By Neslihan
It's hard to go back to basics once you've tasted the delight of tackiness. Once you've drowned your soul in excess, the excess of bad taste. Those volatile fantasies offering you the escape of firm lines and tasteful reality. It's hard to take it down a notch when you've created little houses of daydreams, daydreams that could be yours but who are about to slip through your fingers like a soft summer breeze during the 1st of July. And you let them slip because it's time to get off your cloud, it's time to leave your safe garden and hit the harsh realness of the streets. Throwing away your ripped trousers, Spice Girls tee and Nike traines. Those items that have been through a lot of impulsive kicks; time to say goodbye. And it's a sad goodbye because it's the end of an era. It feels as if you're burrying a part of yourself but it's not an eternal burial because you can comprimise. Because that's what we do. We promise ourselves to be consistent but we fail once in awhile and that's ok. As long as you have embraced your new motto, the rest will come. It'll take you some time of course but you'll get there. Just give it a chance.

1) Leather bomber jack from Christopher Kane (SS '13 RTW)

2) Photograph from the 'Plain Song' photoshoot (Vogue UK, April '13)

3) Yves Saint Laurent loafers (Net A Porter)

4) Time line-shaped piece of art

5) Bandeaus from H&M (set of two)

6) White Doctor Martens brogues (I WANT!!!)

7) Cruella is the queen of villian fashion

8) The XX- XX album case

9) Maison Martin Margiela (Fw '13 TRW)

Because I will stay a dreamer at heart.

It's a bad religion

By Neslihan
As I see my reflection in the window glass, I'm trying to figure out how I'll call the outfit I'm wearing today. 'Effortless cool'? Or 'lazy sloppiness'? I decide to go for the last option since a bad hairday is not very fashion. I don't really stand still or take minute to judge as I'm constantly on the move for something, anything. Judging is a way of living. And no, I'm not telling you all to beat yourselves up about the way you look. I judge so I can gradually evolve. The ancient Greeks would call it 'hybris', I call it 'self consciousness'. And I don't know whether it's karma or God trying to tell me something but I'm being punished for this fickle confidence. Not being pleased with the content of your closet is one of the worst things that can happen to a girl. Or that's what I thought until I saw Marc Jacobs' shoes during s/s 2013 RTW collection. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with those socks in those sandals/flip flops? It sure is an amusing way to raise your middlefinger in the air to show Wintour you don't give a damn about rules and conformism but still... And that's not all, my dearest reader- as I think I only have one at the moment. Just when I thought shit couldn't get any worse, I'm losing and breaking my favourite earrings. I'd shed tears but that would be a tat over the top. Maybe it's time to pray again.

Good Taste/Bad Taste

By Neslihan
Every season there are some remarkable trends/clothing pieces. Pieces that make you think: ew no, I will never wear this. You have to get used to the ugliness and/or oddity of those pieces. Once your eyes get used to it, you fall in love though. And only you get this love, you cannot explain. You cannot make others love it too. They won't understand. No one will but you don't care because the joy those pieces bring is worth every strange look you're given in the streets. It becomes your favourite piece and you wear it, you cherish it. You live it until the next season brings something else. It's time to let go. Some of us do and think: what was I thinking? Others don't and that item becomes a part of thier lives. It becomes a historical item. Something to pass on to the next generation.

Baggy luxurious sweaters

Absolute talk of the town are Balenciaga's excentric yet very cool sweaters. They have those strange 80's pictures and crazy laserish effects on them. Purple, pink, red: you name it, Balenciaga has it. Those chic sweaters were also spotted on Hakaan's runway but he went for a chilly metallic version. The sleeves were equally puffy. (Both fall/winter 2012 RTW)

Metallic patchwork

A little shimmer a day keeps the doctor away. I think sparkles, glitters, metallics certainly light up your outfit and even your mood. I like how a little bit of the previous can give your outfit this playful naiveté. As if you stepped right into your childhood again. And that was just what Huseyin Chalayan evoked in me. You cannot put Chalayan's dress as simply childish patchwork though because it's too sophisticated for that. Look at that finishing and the fit of the dress. See how he has used beige to keep the whole outfit in balance. It's kindergarten for grown-ups. The second dress is not from this season but it belongs to s/s 2013. This actually shows us that metallics are a keeper this year. Thank you, Hugo Boss.

Layering

While Marni kept it simple, A.F. Vandervorst went in overdrive. Marni was about taking 'colourblocking' to the next level. See how every piece totally 'stands' on its own and how it -at the same time- blends in with the other pieces. It's all about layers and neutral colours making the totality wearable. 'Wearable' is not a disgusting word. Repeat after me: WEAR-ABLE. Good girl/boy. We saw something else on the A.F. Vandervorst runway though. The Belgian couple played hide and seek with us and were inspired by Joseph Beuys. Google this man and you'll get the hats. Fashion was never this anonymous. (Both fall/winter 2013 RTW)

Living sculptures

You can interpret this one as wide as you want. Maison Martin Margiela never disappoints me, that's one thing I can say. When haute couture was about the amazing diamond masks, ready to wear is a little less freaky. You'd almost say 'civilian' if you didn't look past the three first looks because those skirts are divine, you've got to admit. Creating a new meaning for two previous trends (peplum and asymmetrical skirts) in only one show? I'd say genius. Look at that gorgeous fish tail/peplummed skirt. Look at the rich fabric and prints. See how this image clashes with the image underneath it (read 'Viktor and Rolf'). The Dutch duo based their collection on strong women. "Oh, how original." Stop right there. They went for femme fatales and actual female warriors (the red faces say it all). Look at the coat, it looks like it's made from shiny grey, handicraft paper. The gear wheels are murderous. (Both fall/winter 2013 RTW)

A lesson in history

Dries Van Noten had access to the archives of the Victoria and Albert Museum. He used Japanese and Chinese images and mixed them with his well-known abstract prints. This created new prints of course. And aren't amazing prints Van Notens trademark? While Dries focussed on the Eastern history, the Italian fashion duo, Dolce & Gabbana, chose the Sistine Chapel as inspiration. The embellishments combined all together were at times too much but the prints are definitely something to think about. (Both fall/winter 2013 RTW)

No go?

H&M 39.90 EUR

Marc Jacob's pelgrim shoes (fall/winter 2013 RTW)

Christopher Kane's flat sandals (spring/summer 2012 RTW)

Backstage at Chanel (fall/winter 2013)

Pictures: Vogue Paris

"Oh em gee, she's fooling around with paint!"

By Neslihan

Hello there crazies,

I felt a little bored yesterday and had the uncontrollable urge to play with paint. It's funny how something stupid can immediately beam you  to a certain phrase in your life. And yes, I'm talking about my years as a 10 or 11-year-old. You know, that period during which you think you know everything but the scariest things still have to come, along with puberty. You're exploring everything, clothing, music and even the internet. Dressing dolls and feeling like Tim Gunn. Oh, the good ol' times. Seeing a couple of pieces on the catwalk also evoked that nostalgic feeling. Christopher kane played with shiny metalics for his last s/s collection and also made some flower collages, which reminded me of my own fashion collages. When we moved to an unparticular middle of nowhere, I felt alone and bored. So, I had to find some kind of way to amuse myself. I started to collect gossip magazines (the only magazines in our house back then) and ripped the last style pages out of it and started to cut and paste images on a white sheet of paper. I'd write titles with coloured glitter pens and one day, those titles became full articles. One page became many and this way, I'd create my own fashion magazine without stupid advertisings. I'd give my magazines names but don't ask me which because the only name I can remember is 'Heirs'. Don't ask me why either. As I became older though, I discovered fashion magazines and started collecting them without ripping pages out of it. Because I knew every edition of Vogue or L'officiel was a holy beacon of inspiration that had cost its creators blood, sweat, tears and uncountable hours of overtime work. You don't start to cut in the bible, do you? One day making childish fashion magazines wasn't enough though, so I had to find some other way to temper my fashion hunger. That way was blogging. I started blogging on netlog and later on facebook. Then on weblog, to eventually start a blog on blogger. That's the little journey I've made so far. Coming back on the pictures below: they're from various collections. I've picked the ones of which I thought they'd be interesting to accompany my writing. Scroll down for more information.

I am so in love with this cute, little clutch. It looks like it's a picture from some biology textbook. Very nostalgia-proof. Christopher Kane (s/s 2012 RTW)

Riccardo Tisci really is one of the last masters of sheer haute couture. His s/s 2012 HC collection for Givenchy was memorable. Certainly the first two dresses. I wouldn't call it spring/summer though because the heavy colours and fabrics scream fall/winter. It were not the clothes though that held my attention. No, this time it were the accessories. What about this amazing nosering?

I thought this was a funny way to tell the person next to you to shut the hell up. Marc by Marc Jacobs

Two rules when buying a bag: 

1. Big enough to hide my junk.
2. Aesthetically interesting to look at.

Conclusion: this Lacoste bag has it all.

If I want to be amazed, repulsed or happy I turn to Martin. He knows how to awake those feelings all at once. Those shoes above really remind me of a friend's transparant raincoat from back then. Maison Martin Margiela s/s 2012 RTW

Do you remember yourself painting when you were little. You'd mingle the blues and the reds and the yellows, really thinking those colours went well together. You'd finish your painting and your mum or dad would call it an artwork and hang it on their wall or freezer. Well, that's what Junya Watanabe's model reminded me of. Green painted gummy hair + bitchy face = Junya Watanabe s/s 2012 RTW