Personal inarticulate scribblings

By Neslihan
I feel like all I wanna do is nag about how sick I feel and cough and sneeze inbetween. Accopmpanied by accessories such as hankerchiefs and a candybar. And all I actually think of is how much this all is stopping me from doing things I had planned to do. I feel down and wanna shout how miserbale I feel. So everybody will know and keep that in account when I'm being an unbearable toddler. This also teaches me to listen more to my body, not to overrush things. Cuz lately I've been feeling hunted, as if I'm out of time. I'm juggling school life, love life and friends all at once and I'm dropping at least one everytime I try to juggle three of them. And it feels aweful and incomplete and a little voice keeps on telling me I can't have it all at once but I'm an overachiever so I try to combine them anyway and at the end I'm left alone and forget to be on my own sometimes. This confuses me and loneliness that once felt pleasant, feels awkward and painful because I learned to rely on others, when I once only relied on myself. So the most obvious solution for my so-called problem would be to appreciate again to be on my own. To take myself on dates, to be my own best friend again. Question myself less when I'm doing things for others but to focus more on the things I want for MY OWN. I feel like ambition and love kind of make yourself focus less on your centre because or you're working on something on the long run (ambition) so the result will be there after 4 to 5 years (school) or you're working on your relationship with others (boyfriend/friends) and therefore can't be selfish. At the end I'm living in the future and forget how much fun the present actually is. Imagine when this is all over and all I did was stressing about papers and books and I don't even have a cool story to tell my grandkids? I know it sounds silly but I guess what I'm trying to say is that I feel lived instead of living. I feel like I've turned into a boring 30 y.o. when I promised myself to loosen up a bit more in uni. I think I've got to tell myself that I'm in charge and shouldn't stress about things I can alter cuz life is in our hands and you can throw it away in the trashbin next to your desk or you can take it in both your hands, fumble it up, juggle it and drop it to pick it right up again. I feel an uncontrolable desire to embrace failures, yet at the same time I'd like to succeed. And I think because I always was so ambitious and zealous I never quite learned to cope with failures and I'm really aware of that now. Cuz I think the power of actually succeeding lies in your ability to deal with mistakes and failures and incorporate these things in a personal learning process, which is hard to see at the moments you're failing cuz the purpose of your failures (teaching you something) comes after a time. And sometimes it never comes, sometimes it just says you're plain stupid and you have to move on.

This moodboard tells exactly how I feel: physically vulnerable, yet mentally fierce, sophisticated, yet bold, elegant, yet unsubtle, traditional, yet radically rebellious, sexy, yet repellent, arrogant, yet insecure, soft, yet shocking, passive, yet aggressive, quiet, yet powerful.

1) Ola Rudnicka photographed by Willy Vanderperre for AnOther S/S 2014
2) Backstage at Meadham Kirchhoff F/W 2014
3) Flickr/Woefromwit
4) Source unknown
5) 'Oedipus Rex' by Pier Paolo Pasolini, 1967
6) Source unknown
7) Source unknown
8) Photograph by Dario Catellani

Talking business

I love dualities, what can I say. I just love how 'un-black -and white' things are. At first you're like it's this but when you take a closer look at things you can be amazed by the nuances lurking behind fabrics, styles and colours. Women for decades have tried to dress in a way they could be taken seriously by their male colleagues. Professional YSL deux-piéces, black tight knee-length Dior pencil skirts, boring tweed Chanel blazers but I think it's time to turn the tables. Just because you're 'accidentally' a woman doesn't mean you should hide your femininity and playfulness. It's time to re-claim your sensuality and femininity without having to give in on looking professionally. Whenever I watch dull restyling programs, those Trinnies and Susannahs are always like "DoNT W3aR C011ouRS, U WNT PEEpL To T4K3 u SER1OuSlY" and all my neckhairs rise. What is wrong with colours and following your own style? What is wrong with unconventional materials at the office? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. And that's what (from left to right) Christopher Kane, Prabal Gurung, Versace and Mary Katrantzou are showing us. They're showing us that you can show some skin and still be the fucking boss. They make us aware of the fact that metalics are the new black. And that lilac leather split skirts are MADE to wear at the office, hence worn with a nice shirt. You don't wanna go trash queen on this one. And prints, my friend, are made to bedazzle your colleagues with its crowdedness.

To end this rather long blogpost.

Like a queen

By Neslihan

Another failed collage to draw the picture for you. Once in a lifetime you come across a collection that makes your heart pound faster and gets you hyperventilating. The funny thing actually is that you've never quite thought that those reactions might be possible since you're the queen of Lazytown and glamour is a unique event. You were fine before this collection appeared. You were completely ok with your black skinnies and awkward teen tee. But Valentino made you realize there was more to life than just comfort and here you are daydreaming of dresses you might never wear. I feel like long rich fabrics are ideal for fall because they have this unforced elegance thing. Imagine wearing such a dress for a stroll through the forest. The wind moves the layers of your dress in all kinds of directions and you're the only person there. You're feeling great though because this is where you belong. It's shivers and happiness all over the place. And just talking about it, I realize how much I've missed those little strolls through forests when I was a kid. It was all about collecting leaves and jumping on piles of wood. It was all about freezing and your mom telling you "ZIP YOUR JACKET!!!" Oh man, how I miss those carefree days.But let's get back on track, let's get back to Valentino, baby! The spring/summer 2014 collection is just divine. I'm talking about 70's embroidery galore and deep oranges to accompany that 70's vibe. It's a mix between handcrafted tradition and modern bohemia. There is also something amazingly historical about this collection, it just reminded be of 15th-16th century queens flawlessy descending to our times. And I am in love because I can totally see myself doing some groceries in that emerald green dress. Lul, just joking I'd just wear it at home and cherish and (over)protect it for the rest of my livez.

Some girls, some shoes

Heya,
I'm seriously balancing between 'omg, I got a genius subject to blog about' and 'nah, mojo too low, bish'. I've been working my ass off the last couple of weeks. I'm not complaining though because the cash is more than welcome since my wish list got a tatsy longer. I start at six AM and I leave my work at three PM, amazed by another heat wave that meets me outside. I am not kidding you, I'm gobsmacked when I'm welcomed by the tropical temperatures when leaving my work place. You can't have a good hairday when it 30 degrees cuz I got really, really thick black hair and it attracts the sun like crazy. Natural result? I sweat my ass off and keep my hair in a sloppy bun/braid. I have given up satin like fabrics and embraced cotton, cotton, cotton! I've invested in a hell of basics lately cuz I can't handle synthetic, no sweat-absorbing fabrics right now. But enough about me, for now at least. 'Gotta wake up this fashion cemetry' PART 256304. I'm just not the regular blogger and you are not the regular visitor. But it's okay, we get along just fine.
Here a collage to represent my current mood. I begin to feel like teenager years are the golden years lately because it's an inbetweener thing. You're not completely mature but you're definitely not a child anymore. It's about becoming a lady without deserting your inner rebel. That's also what your outfit is sporting but you don't mind cuz it feels natural as you combine your ripped 90's jeans with your crispy white shirt. You don't forget to put on your favourite nike trainers and kick the day like you did back in high school. It's all about mixing and matching, there are no rules and the boundaries between ages are becoming vaguer each season and that's just something to like cuz dressing up like a 18 year old aint a shame no more when you're 28. And the other way around is possible aswell.
Sunset has turned me in a true melancholic and I don't mind because I feel like daydreaming and painting hearts on my chest as I run through Vogue Paris and sip a little of my café frappé. It's all about feeling like an adult when you put on those high heels and feeling like a teen when you have to cook your own meal. "Hey, I'm tired! Mom? Anyone?" Since I live on my own, I'm left to my own destiny (read: non-existing cooking skills) and I've been living on pasta pesto and salmon for the first couple of months but I literally started to sweat pesto and got sick of it. So now I'm trying to survive on american cookies as I'm checking out new and easy recipes. And it feels like life has only started, which is bullocks of course but hey, you do get the point. So I too am balancing between being an understanding adult and a quirky (is it even okay to say that about yourself? cares) 19-year old.

And those girls have that kind of vibe. They look innocent yet naughty, pretty yet unsophisticated, girly but not yet womanly. And that's what I like. They represent that careless feel and they look really confident while doing so. So why does everyone keep on saying that teen gurlz dont luk confident, omg? Tavi sure is the C in 'confident'. Look at that sassy look, as if she could handle the world. And I just love Léa Seydoux's hair (right above). Dye your hair in rainbow shades while you still can. This girl rocks all colours ---> INSPO! 

And what's better than a pair of shoes to feed your unsatisfiable teen soul? Feed your lust at Dr. Martens dot com. Those babies are on sale and I just love 'em. They're summery, flowery and very girly yet they're kick ass Martens, what else does a teen girl desire? 

The first two pair are only £45!!! The last pair is even cheaper: £40!

Thanks for reading my rambling post and enjoy your pretty evening.

Neslihan

Mrs Dalloway said she would buy the flowers herself

By Neslihan

It's a Sunday morning, soft breeze underneath your dress, chaos in your hair and a heavenly voice singing to you. It's the perfect scenario for a perfect summer day. The days are long, the nights are short and it feels as if your holiday is endless, as if you still have a lifetime to start and even to finish the things you want to do. Nothing feels forced and the sunshine makes everything lighter. Today was a lazy day? No problem, you still have tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow, and the day after that. It's just the randomness of summer that appeals to me; as if you can meet new people on every corner of the street. Coffee dates at noon, picnick after 12, really bad movies at midnight. Oh, how I've missed the spare time to do those little nothings.
And even though the collage is rather stuffed it represents my mood effortlessly. I want my days to be  filled with caprisun, daisies in my hair and good books. I want soft fabrics because summer -more than any other season- is about caressing your skin with lace, silk and satin. I want to smell the rain on the hot city concrete. I want to feel the sun on my shaven legs. But above all, I want the summer. Could you stay for a while?

1) Daisy eau de toilette by Marc Jacobs
2) Bra by Princesse Tam Tam
3) Socks at American Apparel
4) Espadrille creepers at Zara (WANT)
5) Picture from Jalouse FR June 2013
6) Lyrics from 'Home' by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros
7) Sunglasses on etsy.com
8) Basket: unknown
9) Mrs Dalloway by Virginia Woolf
10) Kimono vest at Topshop
11) Summer fluid (Apple-cherry is the deal)

Rearrange your chaos

By Neslihan
It's hard to go back to basics once you've tasted the delight of tackiness. Once you've drowned your soul in excess, the excess of bad taste. Those volatile fantasies offering you the escape of firm lines and tasteful reality. It's hard to take it down a notch when you've created little houses of daydreams, daydreams that could be yours but who are about to slip through your fingers like a soft summer breeze during the 1st of July. And you let them slip because it's time to get off your cloud, it's time to leave your safe garden and hit the harsh realness of the streets. Throwing away your ripped trousers, Spice Girls tee and Nike traines. Those items that have been through a lot of impulsive kicks; time to say goodbye. And it's a sad goodbye because it's the end of an era. It feels as if you're burrying a part of yourself but it's not an eternal burial because you can comprimise. Because that's what we do. We promise ourselves to be consistent but we fail once in awhile and that's ok. As long as you have embraced your new motto, the rest will come. It'll take you some time of course but you'll get there. Just give it a chance.

1) Leather bomber jack from Christopher Kane (SS '13 RTW)

2) Photograph from the 'Plain Song' photoshoot (Vogue UK, April '13)

3) Yves Saint Laurent loafers (Net A Porter)

4) Time line-shaped piece of art

5) Bandeaus from H&M (set of two)

6) White Doctor Martens brogues (I WANT!!!)

7) Cruella is the queen of villian fashion

8) The XX- XX album case

9) Maison Martin Margiela (Fw '13 TRW)

Because I will stay a dreamer at heart.

Inspo: Eastern nights

By Neslihan
First of all, I'm sorry for the lack of posting. It's not gonna get any better, and I'm sorry for that too. I'm drowning in work and when I'm not, I'm relaxing while watching my favourite series in my huge sweater. Or I'm being down on Lana Del Rey (this sounds so wrong, but whtvr) and my Lana Del Rey expressions are getting better, I assure you. I've got tons and tons of selfpics on which I'm being like flawlessly unhappy. I guess I've accomplished my mission.
But there's something I'm stressing about: we got this '100 DAYS' thing at our high school, which basically means we're celebrating the last 100 days of high school. And in order to do so we dress up according to a theme (it's 60's this year) and we put together a show for lower year students. The 60's are a pure blessing for every fashion lover, like seriously but there's so much to pick from. I feel like I'm being overwhelmed with hundreds and hundreds of icons imposing their style on me and I don't know whom to choose. It feels a little frustrating. That's why I've created a collage. I'm trying to get it structured and pick out which style fits me the best.

1)This dress is probably the most amazing thing I've seen lately (here)
2)Elizabeth Taylor in 'Cleopatra' (1963)
3)Chanel Paris-Bombay Pre Fall (2012)
4)Songul Cebaci look from her A/W 2013 show during Istanbul Fashion Week
5)No print screams 60's like a paisley print
6)90's galore with Gwen Stefani, in love with her bindi look
7)Arabic writing: 'Ishq' meaning 'love'
8)Abbie Hoffman quote, a bit overrated maybe but true in a way

Sophia Loren and I have the same haircut (straight bangs). The only thing I'm sure about is using fuck loads of eyeliner and fake eyelashes.

Jane Birkin has got straight bangs too and eventhough I love her style, I think it's a bit too casual for that day.

I'M SORRY FOR THE RAMBLING POST. IT WILL GET BETTER. SOMEDAY.

Rather boyish

By Neslihan
Sometimes I look at girls my age and the way they're dressed, looking all very fancy and feminine. Then I look at myself wearing my Doc Martens, old jeans and a loose shirt and I'm thinking it will take me a long time to become elegant. It will take me a long time to eat, walk and talk elegantly. It will take me a very long time to actually become a 'woman'. Maybe I will never entirely succeed (clothing wise) because I choose comfort over glamour and derbies over heels. I can't help it, I feel like I'm creating a sort of uniform, or manly second skin, call it what you want. I feel good in it, I feel like the way I dress totally connects with the way I think and I feel like that's really important: to dress as you are in daily life and not having to play a role. I mean of course we all 'play' a role on a certain level but it's another thing to behave like someone you're not. That would make me really uncomfortable.
I actually think I would do a great job if I were born a guy. I love shirts, brogues, loose blazers and ties! Today I was looking at myself while I put together a manly look and I was in awe. Simple totally works for me, straight to the point and all on the surface. Just the way I try to be. That's why I've created three little collages that embrace my fashion mottoes and unite those with a couple of my male crushes and a little story telling.

Joseph Gordon Levitt is this cute, childishly vulnerable nerd who dresses in an accessibly classy way. He's into brown velvetty fabrics, sophisticated ties and perfectly tailored blazers. That of course accompanied with a slightly smiling cute bearded face. 

See Joseph and I would make an excellent couple: we're equally goofy and nerdy. And we both have this playful naiveté. On top of that we're into refined basics and beautiful fabrics: letting the clothing speak for itself without accessorizing it. Those Paul Smith goodies do that all the same. I'm wearing the shirt and the shoes to grab a lunch at the Soup Lounge. We decide to get a bowl of pumpkin soup and share an apple because we're both incredibly cheesy.

Fireflies and cotton candy

By Neslihan

Do you remember those sceptical souls during Simon's first Dior show? It was too minimalistic, too repetitive, too boring... (read here) It's like Raf Simons listened to the slightly negative comments and delivered this poppy spring/summer collection as a reaction to that negativism. He worked with colourful beads, fabrics, shiny effects and enormous prints to prove his audience that he's more than straight and structural lines. He's more than simplistic Raf. He doesn't compromise though, he simply tries to find a way to combine his trademark with Dior's tradition and the new direction the couture house is taking. He matches classy with playful and romantic with -don't shoot me- simplistic as he integrates a couple of black pantsuits with floral beads. But it's always elegant and feminine.
The show consists out of two main parts. The first part is all about Dior basics: little black dresses, black and grey pantsuits, black coats... It was all beautifully tailored, you've got to give him that but I thought it was rather predictable. It's so hard to be inventive or fresh with a little black dress. I think he kind of felt obliged to honor Christian Dior's ideology, which is totally understandable but my heart started beating faster when we reached the second part of the collection: colours, prints, beads, shiny see-through fabrics that reminded me of cotton candy. The whole thing was just divine. At some point you had those amazing floral ball gowns (look five). It was as if they were all on fire. I'm in awe really, because this collection is the embodiment of one of my dearest fashion mottos: crazy, childish heartbreak hotel but the more mature version and I think that's what Raf's trying. He tries to make Dior more youthful but you've got to know that aging is easier than getting your youth back. This collection was a brave atempt in giving Dior's youth back. For sure.

Click here for the whole collection.

Hola holographic

By Neslihan

It was Chalayan's fall collection (RTW 2012) that introduced me to this wonderful technique and since I've got a weakness for everything that glitters, it didn't quite take me long before I fell in love with this thing called 'holographic' or a print that rather resembles the back of your CD. Or a tacky mix of metallics. Call it what you want as long as it shines and shimmers. That's why I've created this collage, to boost your mood and mine. Enjoy. (Click on the image to make it bigger.)

1) Amazing DIY clutch. Get creative here.

2) Husseyin Chalayan's RTW F/W 2012 collection

3) Shopper found here

4) The XX - Coexist

5) Hugo Boss clutch

6) Stella McCartney Resort 2012 collection

7) American Apparel swimwear (detail close up)

8) Wasteland brogues (GOT TO HAVE THESE BABIES)

9) Husseyin Chalayan's RTW F/W 2012 collection (detail)

10) 90's platforms, I'm in awe!

11) More is More (source unknown)

The non-existing perks of being a nobody

By Neslihan
I mean yes, there's a lot to talk about. The absence, the exams, New Year, the sales, my reluctant attempts in updating this blog... If I really have to be honest, I'm a little disappointed in the blogging traffic I have gained (or not) after I changed my URL. I've always said that I blogged for myself because to me it was important to have this online diary in which I could record momentary highlights in the fashion buz. It was this kind of inspirational fridge in which I stored my fashion food but as it turns out it feels like I'm only talking to this white wall and I don't get anything out of it. I've created this 'ique feeling' towards my blog because of the lack of traffic AND my missing enthusiasm AND inspiration. I feel like I have to take a new direction to keep things fresh and interesting. I have to find my will to blog again. To feel the blood rushing through my veins when I find a new blog topic. I have to sort things out, you know? I have to awaken the fashion cemetry that I've caused on this blog lately. So, let me do that first. I created this collage in order to accompany my depressing mood, well ehrm, enjoy.

1) 'Welcome to the fake world' editorial, unknown from tumblr
2) '(S)laughter', unknown from tumblr
3) 'Okay, let's satisfy the masses', a still from 'Accattone' by Pier Paolo Pasolini (1961)
4) Girl and typewriter, unknown from tumblr
5) Dita von Teese during the Haute Couture S/S 2007 Jean Paul Gaultier show
6) Yours truly in her most optimistic mood, NOT
7) 'Black is such a happy colour', a still from 'The Addams Family' (AKA my favourite quote)
8) Virgin Mary candles (GIMME, GIMME, GIMME)
9) Audrey Marnay by Peter Lindbergh for Vogue Italia February 1997
10) Drinking and smoking kids, 'Princess Yvonne and Prince Alexander', 1955 by Marianne Sayn-Wittgenstein-Sayn
11) Editorial from Vogue Korea, January 2013
12) Frida Kahlo's death in 1954
13) Marion Cotillard for Vogue Paris, September 2010
14) 'She's morphine, the queen of my vaccine', Alt-J 'Breezeblocks' lyrics

Late nights and smoldering cigarettes

So school has started and this means routines, tasks, tests and two huge projects to be ready until the end of this school year. And since I'm studying languages, both projects will be about literature. I've got a subject for Latin but English is giving me a hard time. My partner and I can't seem to decide which book to read. Lolita, To kill a mockingbird, The help, A clockwork orange, so many choices but not one that jumps out of the bunch. Maybe we should limit our choices. Anyway this post is starting to sound like one eternal nag session and that was not my intention. Writing this one to tell you I won't post that often since my keyboard is broken. (Thanks sis for spoiling water on it.) I made this random collage because I fet like it and because I liked how someone said that 'decay can be a beautiful thing'. Ain't that something to think about on this late Monday night? Let Cat Power accompany you.

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